Pardon the lack of updates ever since June.
Not that I am expecting anybody to still be reading anyway.
I am finally back home from my 1 year tour in Thailand.
Its been a month actually since I touched down and resume life here.
Before I start, prior to this writing, I was reading back my old entries
done throughout my journey embarking Thailand.
A gush of mixed feelings, trains of thoughts bullet through. Slide shows
of picture memories played on, Just then I realized, how dear that experience was
and how I miss it so much.
Back tracking to one year ago..
As I read, remembering the sad guy who had to leave and i
can still very much relate to the words I wrote then.
I wanted to make everybody happy, I didn't wanna see my mom cry.
All I wanted was to make everybody happy. Everybody except me.
But I didn't manage to, because I was leaving. or so I thought.
The initially phase,
I struggled trying to adapt to the new life I had in Thailand.
I kept saying I miss home, I kept calling home, be on Facebook all night long, Skype, any means as a matter of fact, just so I could feel like I am home in Singapore. To talk to family, friends.
I remember how weak I was.
I kept very much to myself, didn't open up to surrounding people.
I was cynical. I actually considered hurting myself to be send back. Yeah i did..
And as I kept on reading, I saw myself change, saw myself grow.
Started to be accepting, brave to face reality.
Slowly finding things to be happy about and smile.
Talk less about home, in fact i did call home less.
Start to focus more on myself and my goals.
Venture. experience. learn. Made friends. party. Shopping.
nature. be silly. travel. sing. smoke. Thai massage.
work hard. Did braces. had a pet cat, and 3 kittens! =)
I came to a state where I was comfortable and very very contented
with life, i was happy. It was life. Thailand was home.
It showed me another side of life Singapore couldn't.
And the next thing I know, i was on my flight back home.
In between now and then..
1 year and 2 months that i was away in a foreign land,
I saw myself grow so much wiser.
For the first time after so long, when I put myself first, I felt
so much lighter. Just the thought of not having to please anybody. I had no worries.
I have been the people pleaser all my life, and this journey showed me
what I have been neglecting, myself.
Just not having to deal with dramas, not having to answer to anyone, no one to tell me not to. I was taking charge of my life.
All of us there, was just living. As it is. No gimmicks, no dramas.
Life was so much better and beautiful. So much simpler.
The camaraderie bonded was strong, stronger than I've ever felt throughout my NS life. Maybe because we live together and we only have each other as our backs.
That makes us appreciate one another better. And that's what I don't find here.
What I know, its all about, 'i want it my way or you don't talk to me'. I'm sick of that.
I'm sick of having to be the stupid one to succumb to everything.
For that 1 year I was away, I've never felt so much joy. rejuvenated.
There is a reason why, its been a month that I'm back and probably not many
is aware that i am, simply because i just wanna be off the radar.
I use to want for everybody to be happy before me,
This one year has taught me that I am much more important than trying to please friends to get into their good books. Fuck that life.
This is what Thailand has taught me.
To never neglect YOU for YOU are the one in the end living that life.
So having to struggle in the beginning, being so weak, afraid of everything new,
I grew out of it. I just, got older. I am no longer a boy.
This one whole year which I thought I regretted,
turned out to be the time of my life.
And I'm not just saying.
I would do it over and over again. period.
Not that I am expecting anybody to still be reading anyway.
I am finally back home from my 1 year tour in Thailand.
Its been a month actually since I touched down and resume life here.
Before I start, prior to this writing, I was reading back my old entries
done throughout my journey embarking Thailand.
A gush of mixed feelings, trains of thoughts bullet through. Slide shows
of picture memories played on, Just then I realized, how dear that experience was
and how I miss it so much.
Back tracking to one year ago..
As I read, remembering the sad guy who had to leave and i
can still very much relate to the words I wrote then.
I wanted to make everybody happy, I didn't wanna see my mom cry.
All I wanted was to make everybody happy. Everybody except me.
But I didn't manage to, because I was leaving. or so I thought.
The initially phase,
I struggled trying to adapt to the new life I had in Thailand.
I kept saying I miss home, I kept calling home, be on Facebook all night long, Skype, any means as a matter of fact, just so I could feel like I am home in Singapore. To talk to family, friends.
I remember how weak I was.
I kept very much to myself, didn't open up to surrounding people.
I was cynical. I actually considered hurting myself to be send back. Yeah i did..
And as I kept on reading, I saw myself change, saw myself grow.
Started to be accepting, brave to face reality.
Slowly finding things to be happy about and smile.
Talk less about home, in fact i did call home less.
Start to focus more on myself and my goals.
Venture. experience. learn. Made friends. party. Shopping.
nature. be silly. travel. sing. smoke. Thai massage.
work hard. Did braces. had a pet cat, and 3 kittens! =)
I came to a state where I was comfortable and very very contented
with life, i was happy. It was life. Thailand was home.
It showed me another side of life Singapore couldn't.
And the next thing I know, i was on my flight back home.
In between now and then..
1 year and 2 months that i was away in a foreign land,
I saw myself grow so much wiser.
For the first time after so long, when I put myself first, I felt
so much lighter. Just the thought of not having to please anybody. I had no worries.
I have been the people pleaser all my life, and this journey showed me
what I have been neglecting, myself.
Just not having to deal with dramas, not having to answer to anyone, no one to tell me not to. I was taking charge of my life.
All of us there, was just living. As it is. No gimmicks, no dramas.
Life was so much better and beautiful. So much simpler.
The camaraderie bonded was strong, stronger than I've ever felt throughout my NS life. Maybe because we live together and we only have each other as our backs.
That makes us appreciate one another better. And that's what I don't find here.
What I know, its all about, 'i want it my way or you don't talk to me'. I'm sick of that.
I'm sick of having to be the stupid one to succumb to everything.
For that 1 year I was away, I've never felt so much joy. rejuvenated.
There is a reason why, its been a month that I'm back and probably not many
is aware that i am, simply because i just wanna be off the radar.
I use to want for everybody to be happy before me,
This one year has taught me that I am much more important than trying to please friends to get into their good books. Fuck that life.
This is what Thailand has taught me.
To never neglect YOU for YOU are the one in the end living that life.
So having to struggle in the beginning, being so weak, afraid of everything new,
I grew out of it. I just, got older. I am no longer a boy.
This one whole year which I thought I regretted,
turned out to be the time of my life.
And I'm not just saying.
I would do it over and over again. period.
